P.S.

We are still pursuing fertility treatments along with pursuing adoption. Some people think this is wrong. Some agencies don't allow you to be going through fertility at the same time or will terminate your adoption if you get pregnant. While I understand that both fertility and adoption are mentally, physically and financially draining I still feel that each couple needs to decide what is right for them. For us, we just long to be parents however God works that out. We still hope to experience being pregnant, childbirth and having a newborn, but we also have a heart for adopting. Regardless if we get pregnant or not, we will pursue adoption. Most agencies will put you on hold if you get pregnant, which is understandable. But, there are some people and at least 1 agency that I spoke to, that doesn't feel like you could possibly love an adopted child as much as a natural child. I won't lie-when we first started the adoption process we wondered what it would be like to love a child that you didn't give birth to. That thought didn't last long at all. Once we dove into the process there was not a doubt in our mind that any child-biological or not-that was in our home would be loved unconditionally. If you haven't experienced our situation, you can't fully understand. I believe it would be unfair to judge us because we are choosing to pursue adoption and fertility at the same time. To us, we are just hoping to grow our family and will love any kids that we are blessed with. Most everyone has been supportive, encouraging and helpful during our process and we greatly thank you for that!

International Adoption

Our adoption paperwork expires soon so we've started re-evaluating our adoption process. I've been feeling for some time that we should pursue international adoption. I didn't mention it to Daryl at first, but over the past few months it started coming up in our conversations. We have recently decided that international adoption is the path we are going to pursue. We will always be open to private domestic adoption if someday we find a birthmother, but we will focus our paperwork process on international. Currently, we are in the process of finding an agency and deciding on a country. Our top country choices are currently going through some major changes that may significantly decrease/close adoptions. We are trying to gather as much info as we can on the changes as well as other countries that we may be eligible to adopt from. As overwhelming and uncertain as it is, the more I read and learn about international adoptions, the more it excites me! I love adoptions and I'm so thankful that God has put the desire to adopt in both of our hearts even before we were married. I've become a bit obsessed watching people's videos of when they first meet their child. It's amazing! The process is long and there is alot more paperwork than domestic. Each country has their own rules, each agency has their own rules, so there is alot to figure out. I joke with Daryl that we are either going to be old, broke and have a house full of cats or we are going to be blessed with a house full of kids from lots of different places!

Adoption Networking

Almost 1 year ago we started our adoption journey. Because we chose a private adoption, the networking is up to us. If you have any ideas of people or places we can leave our info card with, please let us know. We are open to ideas. If you'd like any cards to leave with people, I can send you some. We are not limited to any location so the birthmother can be from just about anywhere. Thank you for your prayers and support. We are looking forward to being parents!

Things I've Learned

The whole adoption/infertility journey is definitely difficult. It’s a constant roller coaster of emotions. Here are some things I’ve learned during the past couple of years...

I am NOT a patient person-I used to think I was, but I’m definitely not! I want a baby and I want one now-right now! It’s so hard waiting!

How important a sense of humor is-If you’ve ever adopted or experienced infertility, you know the numerous uncomfortable and awkward physical exams, paperwork and conversations you have with complete strangers. Believe me, there are days where the last thing I want to do is crack a smile, but overall, Daryl and I have kept things light. We’re able to laugh at ourselves and that is needed.

How badly I want to wake up puking or crave chocolate covered pickles at 2 am (and I just know Daryl would run out to the store to get them for me)

How much I want to experience childbirth-Partly due to Genesis 3:16 and partly because I want to scream obscenities to Daryl (just kidding)

How much I love adoption-Daryl and I always talked about adopting. In the beginning of our process, it was more about a way to get a child and a good thing to do to save a child’s life. As I go through this process and learn more about it, I have grown to love adoptions. The whole meaning and stories behind it.

What a great daddy Daryl will be-Daryl was always good with kids, but over the last couple years he has really grown to love kids. We volunteer in the nursery at church and every week I have to drag him out of there! I can’t wait to see him with our own children.

How difficult it is-Until going through it, I never imagined how difficult it was. I am so thankful to know people who have taken this journey or are currently on it with us. They are a great support and encouragement to me.

How great marriage is-I can totally see how marriages can get broken from infertility. It’s very stressful and trying. I am thankful to have a husband who lets me cry and makes me smile again. We take turns-when I’m bummed and hopeless, Daryl listens and loves me and vice versa. I love that we can lean on each other.

I’m not good at trusting God-sure I say I am, but when it comes down to it, I fail. It’s hard to trust that his plan is best even though I know that’s the truth. Things happen and I take it like a personal blow from God. People get pregnant that don’t want to, or have kids and are horrible parents (I see this every day at work-sweet, innocent kids in really awful homes). I once found out we were not pregnant the very same day a friend found out she was. In any of these situations, it feels like God was pointing his finger and laughing at me. Even though in the moment it can feel like that, I know it’s the furthest thing from the truth.

I miss mom-Mom was the one person who could say things would be ok and I’d believe her. I don’t like not having her here to encourage me.

How many people have been adopted or adopted their children-Since sharing our story, we have learned of so many!

People can be very ungreatful-I understand pregnancy and parenthood is extremely challenging. But it just kills me when people constantly complain about their kids or about being pregnant. I wish I could show them this side of things and how having to wait makes you see things very differently.

Yay!

Friday, December 4th, Daryl and I got an early Christmas present in the mail-our adoption pre-certification! This means our paperwork is done! The court has approved us to be adoptive parents! A big step in the process has been completed.

Waiting

Waiting...this is where we are at in our adoption story. Quite possibly the hardest part!

Daryl and I started the process in June by talking to friends and family who have adopted. We had our concerns-Could we love an adopted child like we would a biological child? What if the birthparents came back and took the baby? What would our family and friends think? How would we pay for the expenses of adoption? But, all of those concerns were put to rest. We met with an attorney in Buffalo who we really liked. He is not an adoption attorney primarily, but does quite a few. He loves adoptions and we felt that his views on adoption matched ours. So, the paperwork began. We had to write a "Dear Birthmother" letter. Talking about yourself is hard! We did our best to create a picture of who we were as individuals and as a couple. With the help of some friends and family who helped make edits, we are happy with the letter. Now let's just hope a birthmom likes it too! After that, we started meeting with a social worker to do our homestudy. This was a tedious process...lots of paperwork, making sure things around your house met their guidelines and of course a very detailed, in depth autobiography. We worked with a nice social worker who made the process smooth. Pheww...so glad that part is over! Then came networking. Because we are doing a private, domestic adoption, the networking is up to us. Sure, our attorney can get referrals also, but we really need to get the word out. So, we put together a website, made up business cards to leave in random places and emailed everyone we ever knew letting them know we were adopting. Now, we're praying that someone, sometime, somewhere will choose us!

We are so excited, but trying not to let it consume us (this is especially hard for me!). We are starting to gather some of the essential baby items in case we are matched with a baby quickly. Tracy and Brian only had a couple days notice before Matthew was born! Baby things are overwhelming. I received a coupon in the mail for a baby store so I was so excited to use it! I thought "bottles!" A newborn baby will definitely need a bottle right away. Well, I was blown away in the store by the number of bottles. Who knew?! Big, little, BPA free, this shape, that nipple, prevents colic, good for digestion....too many choices. I couldn't make a decision. So then I tried to buy a pacifier...SAME DEAL! So, I've stuck to onesies and bibs. I can handle that.

Thanks to mom who started buying baby stuff when I was in college, we'll be having a Noah's Ark themed nursery. I'm so thankful to have baby items from mom. I often wonder if somehow she knew she wouldn't be here when we had a baby. I'm comforted knowing, she'll have the best view though.

Sometimes I feel like I have pregnancy hormones minus the pregnancy. I am excited to be a mom one minute, discouraged that it will never happen the next, in panic the next day because I don't know how to deal with newborn belly buttons. I joke with Daryl that I'm going to wake him up in the middle of the night craving a weird food like pregnant people do.

So that's where we are at. We hope to have an update soon!