December...

I have always loved this time of year...family, parties, laughter, good food, traditions and memories to last forever. But, this time of year is also difficult. This December will mark the 4th Christmas without mom and the 3rd without dad. When I think of Christmas, how can I not think of them-dad singing carols out of tune, mom's extensive decorations, big family dinners, christmas eve homemade pizza....Christmas just isn't the same without them. I miss them alot around this time and the thought of December approaching brings a tear to my eye. I would think each year it would get easier, I would get used to them not being here...but that is far from the case.

This December also marks 3 years since we started our fertility journey and 1 year since we were officially legal to adopt. So December has always been the time when I say "next year at Christmas we'll have a child." As each year passes it gets more difficult. It's easy to begin to lose hope year after year.

Although I struggle with this time of year, I am still thankful for what it brings-another Christmas with my wonderful husband, a day closer to being a mom, a time to relive holiday memories of mom and dad. Although life doesn't always make sense, doesn't always seem fair and is down right depressing at times I am still clinging to the only thing I know for sure-God's plan is perfect.

So, here's to another Christmas filled with hope!